A couple of days ago I sat down and started writing what I thought was going to be a new post. After I’d filled up almost a whole page, I let it sit and was seeking the Lord about direction and asking why I was writing about this subject See, it seemed to me I was forcing the words. Sure, to me this blog is A.K.A. my “Man journal” cuz a diary just don’t sound very manly to me! I want ya’ll to learn who I am, you know? I believe talking about the past will give you a better idea of who I am and where I’ve come from, and why I think the way I do. I never want to just throw a bunch of words down just to get a blog written. On that note, I scratched that whole page and dove into the Word for a couple days. Jesus, who by the way, IS the Word, (John 1:1-14) says to abide in him and he will abide in us. I wanted to know why I was writing about the subject that I was. It is a very personal subject and what glory will God get from the words. I’m about to write. The answer- I may not know this side of Heaven the glory God will get; however, I believe that this blog post could very well be just about closure for me. Fasten your seat belts ya’ll! We’re going for a ride on Nicks memory Lane Raceway!
As I was channel surfing the other day, I came upon the movie based on the book by Nicholas Sparks (I think), Titled “The Notebook”. While I was at the Correctional Reception Center (CRC) I came upon this book and decided to read it. Holy cow that book hit me right in the feelers! I’d decided to never read that book again… then a year later I watched the movie… and decided to never watch that again either! You may be asking. “why not? It’s a great movie!” True, but it brought back memories I’d forgotten and feelings that I figured were gone. There once was this girl whom I’d met via my girlfriend. When I was near her, I noticed I felt different. Then my girlfriend talked me into going to a high school dance… and to dance with this girl. I’ll tell you what, I was as nervous as a long tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs! #1 I'm not a good dancer therefore dislikes it #2 As I put my hands on her waist, it felt like my heart about leaped out of my chest! Honestly, I didn’t want to let her go, and man was I hoping she didn’t notice, more importantly my girlfriend! (My girlfriend was very adaptable with a knife LOL) Besides, I felt guilty too. Now this wasn’t a “I’m going rip off your clothes and have bunny sex” feeling…. Like I felt with my girlfriend, It was a “this is where I’m suppose to be” kinda thing. Eventually my girlfriend and I broke up. I still hung out with the girl from the dance. We’d just sit together. I don’t remember much conversation, I always felt safe and free when I was with her. Shoot, I swear I can even smell her shampoo! Right now thinking about her long blonde hair blowing in the breeze as we swing on the swings at the park. I always thought she felt the same way toward me, but I never told her how I felt. The last time I saw her it seemed to me that if I ever had a chance at being her man, it was gone now. I know I'd never compare to these smart, good looking, college guys she was around, so I left and our friendship that we had I let dissolve. That’s why I will never read, or watch “The Notebook’ .
You see folks, my whole life I lived as a victim. Always feeling inadequate because of that I failed or never finished what I started. Heck, I’ve never had any long-term goals either. Plenty of short term as in trying to get “Stuff”; cars, trucks, guns, ammo, tools….. The firing up of this website is proof that I’m not the same person I was. For me, this is a long-term goal. I’m also, “Practicing what I preach”. The Lord told me when I was in County jail to tell the world my story. I tried to do that via Facebook, but in hind site I see that it wasn’t the right time to do it, plus I wasn’t actually doing what God told me to do because only people that my sister selected could read what I wrote! Now, thanks to a great friend, this blog is possible. My life is open for the world to see! There is going to be a “Part 2” for a conclusion so stay tuned ya’ll and may the Maker of Heaven and earth pour His favor on you!
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