Bryan Caudill; Never Forgotten

I just found out I lost a cousin last night in a motorcycle accident. While I was talking to Mom on the phone the memories came flooding back of me and Bryan. Every year I'd look forward to going to the family reunion in KY. I knew him and Matt would be there, and I'd probably get to stay at their house overnight. To me, going to KY has always felt like I'm going home. Could be just because it's, well Kentucky! Who wouldn't love it!? Or more than likely it's because I knew that's where my family is at. All those times down in the holler...just having a blast on that big ole hill! Pretty sure I fell down that hill in front of the house more then once playing tag with Bryan and Matt! We'd play kick the can at Grandpa and Grandma's house off of 23. So many memories. Watching movies Mom wouldn't let me like Nightmare on Elm Street...that movie scared me near to death! This one time me and Bryan was talking in his bedroom and thought we heard a bear!! Boy were we scared! We went and woke up Ted who grabbed a gun and went lookin. Well, turns out the "bear" was actually the refrigerator making noises!!! I'll miss him... At these times when families and friends are gathered together mourning the loss of a loved one, and remembering all the good things they've done, we are reminded how quickly our life can depart from us. Do you know where you're going when you die? Let that sink in a minute y'all. Our lives can be over in an instant! Cut short by accidents or disease. God wants you to be by His side for eternity! You must repent, and believe that Jesus died and rose from the dead in order to see Him when your time on earth is done! Get baptized by the blood that was shed on that cross for your sins! Get baptized in water and show the world your newfound faith in Jesus! He is waiting for you. Time, it keeps going, yet our time on earth may be over. Think on these words of Jesus from Revelation 3:20. " Behold, I stand at the door and knock: if any man hears my voice, and opens the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with Me." Y'all God wants a relationship with you! Call out to Him and be saved!

To My Future Wife (Originally posted 05/15/2020)

This may tick off some people, but Jesus said we'd be persecuted for His name! To my future wife. I thank God for you. Yes, before we even met I was praying for you! I pray that you have the flame of the Holy Spirit burning brightly inside you. A hunger for the Word of God that you continuously fill! I pray you are so in love with Jesus and have such a firm foundational relationship that nothing will shake you! Your light shines brightly in this dim world and you remain true to the call of Jesus on your life. My prayer is that when we find each other we will not be unequally yoked. If you, my future wife, are reading this, then you know why I pray this. Those who don't know, let me explain. To be unequally yoked means one person is either not a follower of Jesus, or even, not as spiritually mature as the other. Now, you may say, "who cares!?" "Love is love!" God cares! That's Who! In the Old Testament we see God order the killing of every single person in the pagan lands, sheep, cattle, everything. For reference read Numbers 25. Yes that sure seems extreme! God is that serious about His children being holy! See, if we, as followers of Jesus, accept a mate, a life partner, who is not in Christ at all what then do you think the outcome will be? You say "oh my shiny faith and prayer will lead them to Jesus! Or I'll beat them with the Bible until they see the light!" Folks, if we unite ourselves with nonbelievers then #1 we will be living a life of strife because of the consequences of that choice. #2; We will be disobeying the Word of God see chapter 2 of Isaiah. Paul says in 2 Corinthians 6:14 "Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?" Yes, it seems harsh to deny an (intimate) relationship (marriage), yet that's what God says for His children! Why risk being sucked into not just a weaker relationship with Jesus, but the possible destruction of your spirit by turning your back on the One Who set you free!? I will not set myself against the Word! Will you?

Fear Not! (Originally Posted 04/28/2020)

Well @ around 0800 on 4/9/2020 the Interfaith Dorm of North Central Correctional Complex went on lock down. We were all given hand made cloth masks yesterday. All inmates were asked to wear them when they left their dorms, but weren't required to wear them while inside. (I roll my eyes here). However, although all these masks really do is give some a false sense of security anyhow! My dorm went on lock down as a precaution because of an older gentleman who had been sick for a few days and finally went to medical to get checked out. Some may say "Well he should've went earlier!" True, but seeing the Dr. in here is not like out there! We are barely treated as humans and even to me, I can see by the way most the Dr. staff acts that they are only here to keep us alive. For instance, I was in the doctor's office being seen for a growth on my finger, and asked him about another thing that was more important and urgent. His reply was rude and it seemed he didn't care. The eye Dr. actually cursed at a friend of mine during an eye exam. Now, I get dealing with inmates every day can be very trying, however, we aren't all the same! I, myself was called a liar repeatedly by staff a couple years ago because I didn't go to a Pre-GED class. Well, since I have a diploma, and the CO's never came to tell me (and 3 other guys near me), I obviously didn't know I was supposed to be there! Yet the supposed "Guidance Counselor" was the first to call me & another inmate, with the same story, liars. Well, I continued to go to that class without complaining. I didn't do any of the work, except for some computer stuff, I mostly brought my Bible and notepad and wrote ideas for blog posts..which at the time went on a Facebook page in my name..but my point is, no matter what we go through, we can still be at peace! Fear is bubbling up in this dorm, and anger, but to those who are in Christ, we have the peace that passes all understanding! Glory to God! You might say "How is that? Do y'all stick your heads in the sand & pretend nothing is happening!?" I'll let the Word of God answer for me. Philippians 4:6-7 (AMP) says "Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God. And God's peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." This right here is why followers of Jesus many of whom face death daily in communist countries, and Muslim countries, these folks don't ever deny Christ as their Lord and give their very lives instead! We as His children need not fear death, persecution, or disease! Could we die? Sure. When we die, y'all when we die as a follower of Jesus we will be in the very presence of the One Who made us! The God Who gave His only Son, so that WHOEVER believed in Him would not die the second death (fiery hell eternally), but would meet Him in heaven! We can be content because of the Holy Spirit Who resides inside those who've given their lives to Jesus! Philippians 4:11&13 Paul states "Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am." He and we can do this because verse 13 "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." Yes! Folks, talk to God, tell Him how you feel! Ask Him to give you His peace! He's waiting to hear your voice! Won't you call out to Him!

Holy Life Through Christ (Originally Posted 4/23/2020)

"Do not be afraid of them; remember the Lord Who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your houses." (NASB) Nehemiah 4:14. This is MY battle cry! Are you fighting for your family? In this day and age there are so many distractions, so much false truth! What are YOU doing to protect yourself and your loved ones?! Can you look back on your life and say you've left a good legacy behind you? I know I can't say that! However, what I've learned from being in prison is that it's never too late to change! " But I've tried to change and I can't do it" some might say. Shoot, I tried to change also. So many times I'd say this is the last time I'll let this happen, or I'm not gonna look at porn anymore. Yet by our own strength we can't possibly expect to overcome what's in our very nature! Romans 7:18-19 lays it out really well. The Amplified version states "For I know that nothing good dwells within me, that is, in my flesh. I can will what is right, but I cannot perform it. [I have the intention and urge to do what is right, but no power to carry it out.]. For I fail to practice the good deeds I desire to do, but the evil deeds that I do not desire to do are what I am [ever] doing." Wow y'all! This is Paul talking here! The feller who was walking through life like a blind man, then lost his actual sight, & Glory to God saw Jesus on the road to Damascus Who opened Paul's spiritual and physical eyes. And his life and ours was forever impacted by that encounter! Thank You Father!! Now the Apostle Paul, struggled with the desires of the flesh daily..maybe now someone out there will stop beating themselves up so bad when you stumble?! Look,without the power of the Holy Spirit we are doomed to fail in our sins. And folks, sins ain't just the big ole whoppers like killing, stealing, and raping! We are meant to live holy lives. "Heck Nick, you're crazy! Look at the world around us!? There's no way we can do that!" My answer is, shoot yeah you can! We must strive to live holy lives! Paul says in chapter 6 vs. 5-7 ( I'm paraphrasing here...) As a follower of Christ, we've been crucified with Him. We share in His death. Since we share in His death..Glory to God! We share in His Resurrection! We die to sin. Sin doesn't have dominion, it doesn't have the power, OR authority over the Sons and daughters of the Most High God! If that don't make you wanna shout! Praise be to God!! Verse 6 talks about our old, unrenewed self being nailed to the cross in order for us to die to sin. Verse 7 says When a man dies, he is freed ( loosed, delivered) from [the power of ] sin [ among men]. Shoo buddy! Y'all! The legacy we leave behind, living a holy life in order that our children can say 20 years down the road " Yes, my parents/ Aunt, Uncle/ Grandpa, Grandma, Yes they were Christians and I know this by the way they lived their lives!" Now I know there's so much temptation in the world today. I'm not blind. I also know that Jesus has given us a gift that helps us to stand up to and overcome the world! The Holy Spirit! All God wants is for us to trust in His Son, and to strive to lead holy lives. Will we be holy immediately upon saying "YES" to Jesus? Certainly we are made holy by the blood Jesus shed on that cross! In the eyes of God, our spirit is pure and holy! We are justified (just as if we didn't sin)! However, we also must fight, stay vigilant every day to the schemes of Satan, the accuser of the brethren! Jesus said "Be holy because I am holy" Let's work together, side by side, holding each other accountable daily. Reach out and lift each other up!

Reflective Hearts (Originally Posted 04/19/2020)

"As water reflects the face, so one's life reflects the heart." Proverbs 27:19 (NIV) So, my buddy, Bill reads my posts before I send them to Ms. Kristina. He happens to be a musician/ song writer. This feller has opened my eye to what can be done with a guitar! Therefore, I'm attempting to become a better guitarist and hopefully become a musician! Because I've heard what can be done with a guitar, I now strive to play better because of the gift God has given me, and my goal (and your's should be too), is to honor God to the best of my ability with the gifts I've been given. So, since he reads these things, he always talks about how well they flow or how at just the right time I spring a Scripture verse. Now, because of this, he's told me I should be writing songs. Well, I tried. Yeah, I sat down and started to write the words from my heart, cuz that's what you do you know? Everything that came out, maybe started off all sad, but Jesus...yes Jesus would pop up on everything I wrote! Bill said, "you know, you can write something else other then praise & worship!" Now, he's right, I could..but where do songs come from? The heart! Right now, I'm learning about the blues style music. I love how the guitar strings are manipulated to produce that soul filled sound! However, what comes out of us as humans, is what goes in us. What's inside you? Do you have the past glaring angrily at you, or buried deep in your soul? Does it feel like a burden is weighing on you constantly? Proverbs 15:13 says" A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit." (NIV) Jesus said in Matthew 12:34 (AMP)...." For out of the fullness (the overflow, the superabundance) of the heart the mouth speaks." See y'all, what comes out in our daily lives, either thoughts or actions is what we put into our hearts! I can't help but write of what Jesus has done for me, and what He WILL do for you, if you'll only allow Him to come reside inside you! When I'm writing to you, I'm writing what the Holy Spirit has put on my heart to write! That's why it flows! I sure the heck ain't thinking" oh man is this the right phrasing, or order of verses". Maybe I'll be able to write an actually decent song some day...I'll be willing to bet it won't be a sad one! Folks, in order for good to come out you must feed yourself. With donuts?! NO! But one or two might be OK...Feed yourselves with Gods Word, daily! This isn't a halfhearted thing being a follower of Jesus y'all! Look,Jesus gave us His whole heart! His last drop of blood was shed for you and me! Jesus said in Revelation 3:15" I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other!" (NIV) Does there seem to be more heartache and pain then peace and joy? Check yourself! How is your relationship with Jesus, the One you claim as Lord? Meditate on His Word, let it enter your heart of hearts and you WILL be changed!

He is Risen! (Originally posted 04/13/2020)

Praise God because He saw fit to raise Jesus from the grave so we can all rest in His promise of everlasting life with Jesus in Heaven! Because we are on lock down I failed to realize the the United States will be celebrating our risen Savior this Sunday! I've been thinking about what to write, you know, some big inspirational message of what it means to the Christian body of Christ. However, I never want to force anything. I don't want to have words not inspired by the Holy Spirit put on this blog. Now sure I also want the world to get to know Nick Cutchall, but more importantly I want the world to see Christ through the words I write in order that you (the readers) may come to the saving knowledge, that grace of Jesus! See, the Bible says, He gave His life for many...enduring the shame that was death on the cross, the beatings, mocking, spitting on, clothes torn off and sold, the thorny crown rammed into His Glorious head! Yet He did not resist! He, Jesus could've called 10,000 angels! He could've came down off that cross! Yet because of His Love for the Father, and oh, His sweet, unending Love for you, He gave His life so we, His followers, could become Kings And Queens of The Most High God!! Oh, Hallelujah to the King of Kings!! Yes folks, Jesus willing endured, putting His trust completely in the Father's Hands Will you do so today!?

Trust the Word! (Originally Posted 04/13/2020)

A short time ago a friend of mine was talking to me about how he doesn't believe everything in the Bible. Now, I can understand how one can have that thought. I mean..a giant killed with a sling, flung by a Shepard boy who couldn't even wear the armor because he was too small? Then there's Abraham, he and his wife. Both far too old to conceive a child, yet God made a promise to them. Because Sarah had faith in Gods Words, she believed. Hebrews 11:12 (NIV) "And so from this one man, and he as good as dead, came descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as countless as the sand on the seashore." Say what?! These old people were pretty much dead, and had no kids, yet God made a promise! Oh yes! Why am I getting so fired up about God making a promise!? I'll tell you why. If God said it, then It Is THE TRUTH! The Bible, did you know, is the Word of God! 2 Timothy 3:16 "All scripture is inspired by God.." I'm no English expert, obviously, but as far as I can tell, "all" means ALL! Sure there's been numerous translations of the Bible written. I have in front of me at least 4 different versions each time I write to y'all. The thing is, everything I've read, comparing verses side by side, all translations come out to mean the same thing! The difference usually is in the depth of the modern day English that's used as far as how it corresponds to the original text. This isn't a study Bible I use, although I'm sure there are great ones out there to help understand the nuances of the original text. I do things the old fashion way..I let the Holy Spirit tell me what the Word is saying. See, as a Christian, if you don't trust the very Word of God, how then can you truly believe you are saved? It's a promise from the Father, that IF you believe you will be saved! Jesus said we must become like little children to enter the Kingdom of heaven (Matthew 18:3.) You remember as a child, asking why is the grass green? What is 1+2? And you expectantly and fearlessly trusted in the correct, honest answer! Yet who do we think we are, being of higher intellect then the Maker of the Universe!? Check out 2 Peter chapter 2. vs.1 " But false prophets also arose among the people, just as there will also be false teachers among you, who will secretly introduce destructive heresies, even denying the Master Who bought them, bringing swift destruction upon themselves. Many will follow their sensuality and because of them the way of Truth will be maligned." (NASB) Christianity is a faith based religion based on a relationship with Jesus Christ. If you are struggling with trusting the Word of God, seek His face!

To All the Ones I Have Hurt (Originally posted 04/05/2020)

This message is for all the one's I've hurt throughout my lifetime heck going back to 9th grade. Now, I'm not naming names, for legal purposes, therefore I'm not breaking any laws or putting individuals hurts out to the world! I know, I've apologized to y'all via another post. However, sitting here locked away, seemingly forgotten by family and friends alike, it gives one a lot of time to think. This morning, April 5 2020, I awoke with the lifetime of pain I've caused rolling through my mind. The Toby Keith song titled We Were In Love was also running through there..which is why I went so far back. Now, y'all know whom I'm talking about here. To the one's I've hurt, I am sorry. I'm sorry for causing you to have trust issues. I'm sorry for my crude teenage mindset sexual jokes and straying hands. I'm sorry for seemingly tearing out your heart, then stomping on it again in the future. This goes out to the one's I've hurt closer to the present day. I'm sorry..for leaving you alone with our child. Sorry for not telling the truth, by speaking partial truths and flat out deceit. I'm sorry for cheating on you. Fact is, I did and do love you. You are the Mother of our child and I thank God for you! A bit further in the future.. I'm sorry for cheating on you. For abusing your trust in me, even though it was unintentionally done, I still did, for that, I am so sorry. I'm sorry for the pain in your heart that's maybe left it cold as ice. For the trust issues that may plague you and the bitterness in your soul. Moving forward in time...to the one's I've hurt. I am sorry for not telling you the truth. For leading you on when I knew it would never work. For stomping on that big heart of yours over and over for 20 years. To the one's I've hurt the most, I'm sorry. Sorry for taking advantage of your trust although unintentional, it still occurred. Sorry for the way I behaved. My inappropriate words and wandering hands. I was wrong. I'm sorry for all the pain my actions caused you. The hurt in your hearts, the trust issues, maybe even sexual confusion. To all the one's I've hurt, I had told each and everyone of you "I love you" maybe even while I was causing you pain. I am so sorry for that! I had no idea what love was. My idea of love was twisted with lust cuz of what I'd experienced growing up. I know now what love is because of Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior. I ask to the one's I've hurt the most, for forgiveness. I also want to thank you. The actions some of you took has brought me to prison. Because of that, I've been able to really truly give my life to God. I always claimed to be a Christian before I got locked up, but I was NOT a follower of Jesus! A true Christian has a relationship with the God they serve. I had none and you could tell by the actions in which I persisted in. I ask forgiveness for my actions, taking full responsibility for what actually did happen. This 11 year mandatory sentence I'm doing sometimes gets to me. Being locked away, treated as barely human, forever labeled as a predator because of the partial truths spoken by myself and others.. I'll tell you what, there are times when I start to hate myself! Some of you may feel like that in a way. Hate yourself for not seeing things as they were, not protecting the one's you love..I get that. I feel like that myself. In my past I hurt the one's I claimed to love the most! Yet, at this moment I can say with the most certainty, I Love You. With the Love of Jesus Christ. See y'all, I seek forgiveness not for my sake, but yours. I know from personal experience that when you don't forgive it will eat you up inside, you'll carry anger, rage, and bitterness that WILL seep into the rest of your time on this earth. It will manifest in your reactions to others in your life. It will keep you up at night. Make your whole body ache. Have you riding a roller coaster of emotions, feeling happy, then extremely sad..and melancholy. I don't want this for you! Please learn from my mistakes! Or listen to Jesus Himself when He says "Whenever you stand praying, forgive,if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father Who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions."(Mark 11:25) Y'all, I want you to have peace and joy in your lives, and I know that with no forgiveness living inside you, well it can't happen! Sure, some may find peace while meditating,or drinking/ drugging, or sexing....but that peace won't and can't last because it is from the world, and frankly our own flesh that produces this feeling of peace! Jesus said in John 14:27(AMP) " Peace I leave with you; My [Own] peace I now give and bequeath to you.Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. [Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.]" It took me a long time to forgive myself for all the pain I've caused. Even knowing that God forgave me the moment I asked forgiveness August 20, 2016. The day that I planned on taking my life because of all the mistakes..God sent a pastor who reminded me of Gods Love and forgiveness! Therefore the day that would've been my last became the reborn birthday of Nick Cutchall! I am not the same person I was before that day. I'm now a man. Not just a man, but a man so in love with his Lord that when those times come like this morning, or I start thinking about the only way out of here, to be a Dad for my son, is a miracle or recanting of statements.. I'll tell you what...I thank God I'm here right now serving and honoring God with my life! On those times when I start feeling unforgiveness pop up, I remind myself (which you can do also) that you (me) are forgiven! If you think you need my forgiveness for whatever reason, know this. You were forgiven on the day that was almost my last on earth! May God fill you with His Spirit, which brings peace.

A lesson Learned (Almost the hard way) (Originally Posted 03/31/2020)

I learned a valuable lesson today. Had some good news, and what I thought was horrible news. Mom was visiting her sister today and her husband has had a hip replacement. My Uncle got check out today, I think a yearly check, and everything looked good! Had a cousin have a stroke and an Uncle (Moms brother) had a heart attack needing 2 Stents put in. We prayed for both to be healed quickly and praise the Lord they’re all 3 doing well! The news that I thought was not so good was about a different view of doctrine. You see Ms. Kristina, nor I, will ever post anything on this blog that is not backed by Scripture and the Holy Spirit. We talk about specific doctrines, sometimes seemingly heated, LOL, yet what is the #1 commandment? Jesus said in Mark 12:30-31 “And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength. The second is this, You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these.” NASB

Wow! Jesus was dropping the mic after that wasn’t, he?! Think about it! We, as followers of Christ love God that much, Darn right! And we love our neighbor as we love ourselves…. Hmm maybe? Kinda? Sometimes? I’ll tell you, Ms. Kristina and I’s case it is always! Since I love her as I love me, I wont “beat her” with the Bible on things I feel are correct. You might say “why not Nick, if your right, your right?!” (Note from Kristina, I have showed scripture for all my disagreements with Nick, and he has not come back to show me I am wrong, this statement appears to be very arrogant on Nicks part and I will let him know my feelings on this)…The things we do agree on my beloved friends, now THAT is all that really matters! (Kristina again… I disagree with this statement… what God wants is all that really matters, his word is clear, we should all be of one mind, 2 Corinthians 13:11, that’s why we study, so we can let God show us what he wants, not what we want) Do you believe Jesus died on the cross and rose from the dead on the third day to recompense your sins and offer you eternal life with him? Yes? Alleluia! Were Brothers and sisters in Christ! If the answer is no, that hole you feel, the missing piece in your heart and life…. Its Jesus. Hes knocking on your hearts door saying Please let me in. Ill give you my peace and ya’ll find rest!!

Not Forgotten (Originally Posted 03/31/2020)

Well, I’ve had an interesting weekend. A friend of mines name popped up on my Jpay account while I was writing Kristina. Since we have a 15-minute time limit and then have to wait an hour to get back on, I stopped mid thought and told Kristina that this friend's name had come up. Then I proceeded to write this friend. To us inmates, seeing a new name come up, or receiving a message/snail mail letter, well it's great! So many feel forgotten. Frankly it hurts, especially when we hear so and so is going to write then it never happens. Now for me, with this person, its special. See, I love her! Matter of fact, she’s like the little sister I have never wanted! LOL! I failed her as a friend many years ago. Because I let my then girlfriend control who I talked to. I’ll tell you what ya’ll, thank God for the power of the Holy Spirit! Living your life to please others is exhausting! 2 Timothy 1:7 CAMP says “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but of power and of love and of calm and well balanced mind and discipline and self-control.”

Sometimes I think “If only I’d known”” this truth or that truth of the gospel. However, because of how I lived my life, all the hurts and pains that happened to me and things I’ve done, well all of that has given me a message! A story of strength. I’d been running for God since like 5th grade I believe. Mrs. Wolf was my English teacher, that I do remember. At the time I wanted to be a preacher. Bringing my Bible to school got me made fun of even more lol so I stopped. Since I have a relationship with Christ, which I was missing my whole life, now I have no fear of what people think of me. It took me coming to the end of myself to give my everything to God. What’s stopping you from putting your trust in Jesus?

The Virus (Originally Posted 03/31/2020)

Are you afraid? Sitting here watching the news, it seems to me that the goal of news anchors is to spread fear and negativity! This new virus that's spreading like wildfire, the Corona Virus, well it seems pretty scary doesn't it? My friends, do not be afraid! I'm not saying stick your head in the sand and pretend everything is normal! As Christians we are told to submit to the officials in authority. Use common sense ya know? Wash your hands! As a follower of Jesus Christ we most certainly shouldn't let fear control us! The Apostle Paul says we are " more than conquerors through Christ"( Romans 8:37) My personal Scripture when fear comes a knocking is Psalm 91. Folks, no matter what is going on around us, God is our Hope! Jesus said I give you My Peace, not as the world gives, do not fear! (John 14:27) Listen y'all. You who claim Jesus as your Lord. He is our refuge in the time of storm! It is to Him we are going when we die, no matter what we die of! We serve the God Almighty! He is the Alpha and Omega! He is the Lamb Who was slain for YOU! The angels in heaven cry out 'Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty, Who was,and Is, and Is to come! (Revelation 4:8) And that my beloved friends is exactly what we should do. Right now, wherever you may be. Say out loud, HALLELUJAH! This literally means Praise the Lord! Remember not just what God has done for you, but where you are going, those who are in Christ Jesus! Wait, what? You don't know this man as your Lord and Savior? What is stopping you from saying "Jesus, I believe You died on the cross and rose from the dead to free me from my sins and give me eternal life. Forgive me of the sins I've committed (list them those that you remember) I repent (turn away from) my sins! Thank You for coming into my heart and living in me! Amen (so be it) If you said this prayer then congratulations! Welcome to the Family of God! You are now a brother or sister in Christ with millions of people! Get into the Bible starting with John. Find a Church, seek baptism. That is where you "die" figuratively and are reborn. An outward show of what happened when you gave your life to Christ! Brothers and Sisters. May the Lord's peace and Love continue to fill you to overflowing!

Nicks Raceway to the Past (Originally Posted 03/04/2020)

A couple of days ago I sat down and started writing what I thought was going to be a new post. After I’d filled up almost a whole page, I let it sit and was seeking the Lord about direction and asking why I was writing about this subject See, it seemed to me I was forcing the words. Sure, to me this blog is A.K.A. my “Man journal” cuz a diary just don’t sound very manly to me! I want ya’ll to learn who I am, you know? I believe talking about the past will give you a better idea of who I am and where I’ve come from, and why I think the way I do. I never want to just throw a bunch of words down just to get a blog written. On that note, I scratched that whole page and dove into the Word for a couple days. Jesus, who by the way, IS the Word, (John 1:1-14) says to abide in him and he will abide in us. I wanted to know why I was writing about the subject that I was. It is a very personal subject and what glory will God get from the words. I’m about to write. The answer- I may not know this side of Heaven the glory God will get; however, I believe that this blog post could very well be just about closure for me. Fasten your seat belts ya’ll! We’re going for a ride on Nicks memory Lane Raceway!

As I was channel surfing the other day, I came upon the movie based on the book by Nicholas Sparks (I think), Titled “The Notebook”. While I was at the Correctional Reception Center (CRC) I came upon this book and decided to read it. Holy cow that book hit me right in the feelers! I’d decided to never read that book again… then a year later I watched the movie… and decided to never watch that again either! You may be asking. “why not? It’s a great movie!” True, but it brought back memories I’d forgotten and feelings that I figured were gone. There once was this girl whom I’d met via my girlfriend. When I was near her, I noticed I felt different. Then my girlfriend talked me into going to a high school dance… and to dance with this girl. I’ll tell you what, I was as nervous as a long tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs! #1 I'm not a good dancer therefore dislikes it #2 As I put my hands on her waist, it felt like my heart about leaped out of my chest! Honestly, I didn’t want to let her go, and man was I hoping she didn’t notice, more importantly my girlfriend! (My girlfriend was very adaptable with a knife LOL) Besides, I felt guilty too. Now this wasn’t a “I’m going rip off your clothes and have bunny sex” feeling…. Like I felt with my girlfriend, It was a “this is where I’m suppose to be” kinda thing. Eventually my girlfriend and I broke up. I still hung out with the girl from the dance. We’d just sit together. I don’t remember much conversation, I always felt safe and free when I was with her. Shoot, I swear I can even smell her shampoo! Right now thinking about her long blonde hair blowing in the breeze as we swing on the swings at the park. I always thought she felt the same way toward me, but I never told her how I felt. The last time I saw her it seemed to me that if I ever had a chance at being her man, it was gone now. I know I'd never compare to these smart, good looking, college guys she was around, so I left and our friendship that we had I let dissolve. That’s why I will never read, or watch “The Notebook’ .

You see folks, my whole life I lived as a victim. Always feeling inadequate because of that I failed or never finished what I started. Heck, I’ve never had any long-term goals either. Plenty of short term as in trying to get “Stuff”; cars, trucks, guns, ammo, tools….. The firing up of this website is proof that I’m not the same person I was. For me, this is a long-term goal. I’m also, “Practicing what I preach”. The Lord told me when I was in County jail to tell the world my story. I tried to do that via Facebook, but in hind site I see that it wasn’t the right time to do it, plus I wasn’t actually doing what God told me to do because only people that my sister selected could read what I wrote! Now, thanks to a great friend, this blog is possible. My life is open for the world to see! There is going to be a “Part 2” for a conclusion so stay tuned ya’ll and may the Maker of Heaven and earth pour His favor on you!

Cell Block Musings Part 2 (Originally Posted 02/28/2020)

James 1:12-17 states, “Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him. Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man: But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death. Do not err, my beloved brethren. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no”

Folks, our adversary, Satan, has come to lie, steel, and destroy! He’s the father of lies because he’s been lying from the beginning. Eve was told she wouldn’t die if she ate of the fruit. First, she was tempted. The thought was planted in her mind by Satan. She then acted on this thought which caused her to sin or disobey God. Some people believe God tempts them. This verse, which is the Word of God should help you with that wrong thinking. See, our Father wants us to persevere! Heck, He’s given us a way out of temptation! 1 Corinthians 10:13 “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” My dear friends, The Word of God is truth. God the Father never changes. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever! Therefore, I want y’all to realize that we as followers of Christ are in a battle every day! Maybe we are tempted to sin by flinging our cigarette butts out the window of the car. I bet no one has thought of that as a sin! If we can’t handle the little things, obeying the seemingly insignificant laws, how can we expect God to bless us? Think of it this way… As Christians we have the Holy Spirit inside us. We have or should have the mind of Christ. Since we have the mind of Christ, he speaks to us in his still, small voice. God gave us this one earth also, so why destroy it with liter? Listen for his voice. Do you actually have peace while breaking these “little” laws? Scripture says if you break one of the commandments, you have broken them all. That’s right folks, that means all sin is sin. No matter how small, it matters to our Father in heaven! I ask that ya’ll think on these verses as you go through out your days. Think before you act. Would God really be ok with me doing this? He is always watching! May the Lord bless you and keep you safe.

Yours in Christ,

Cell Block C Musings Part 1 (Originally Posted 02/28/2020)

Well folks, today I made it to the big house! Too bad its not the one Jesus is prepared for me in heaven! We’re going to look at some scripture today about being thankful. See, even though I’ll be in prison for 7 more years, I am still thankful! Colossians 2:6-7 states,” So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.” Also in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” My dear friends, today I am thankful. Full of thanks. Our Father has been so good to me! He’s given me these years to grow in not only knowledge, but to know him intimately as all followers of Christ should strive to! Outside these walls there were so many distractions for me, I would’ve never given my life to Jesus if I hadn’t wound up behind bars. When I say give my life, I literally mean my life! He is in control of everything! Period! As y’all know from reading my past posts, I spent all my life running from God. What did I get I get for doing that? 2 destroyed marriages, 3 kids hurt emotionally, ( I figure Caleb thinks I just abandoned him.) and last but not least 11 years in prison, away from everyone I love and who loves me! Heck, I almost forgot the torment to me! No peace. Pain in my body constantly. Acid reflex from worrying all the time, weather it be guilt or anything else. By finally giving my life to Jesus, I have joy and peace that I’ve never had! I’m not anxious about anything anymore, well except for every single person on my friends list to come to the saving grace of Jesus Christ! Through all of this I am thankful! Not just because we are told to be by the Word of God either! I can’t help but be thankful, joyous and at peace!

I'm a Victim of Abuse (Originally Posted 02/24/2020)

Sitting thinking about my last bloggy post thing… yeah that’s what I call them dangit! I’m sure ya’ll figured out by now that I write the way I talk, which is pretty much accurate. Remember though, just because some one talks with an accent doesn’t make them an idiot! My ex used to make fun of how I talked all the time and she was from a southern state! Just thought I’d throw that out there. The person you see on theses pages is just like the man writing the words! Let’s get back to the task at hand.

Do you live your life claiming to be a victim? Before you get the pitchforks out, hold on! I’m not saying that what happened to you wasn’t horrible or that your lying. You wake up most days hearing or feeling those things said or done to you, reliving the terror of abuse numerous times a day or week. I know, I’ve been there. I never really thought I was a victim! My first wife and I went to counseling for our marriage. The psychologist said it seemed I had PTSD. Shoot, anytime I heard a loud noise or gunshot, (that wasn’t fired by me) I'd almost hit the ground. When no one was around I did hit it! I'd throw people into lockers or punch/kick them if they came up behind me. Numerous times I’ve even hit my own Mom when surprised coming around a corner. When people started yelling especially at kids, I'd be right back to the times Dad would hit me. Yet I never thought I was a victim. To me it was normal behavior, mean, but it happened! And this has what to do with being a victim Nick? Buckle your seat belt and hang on because in part tow you’ll find out! So stay tuned ya’ll!

Part 2

My life sucks and its all ( insert abusers name) fault! Why did this have to happen to me?! Let me tell you something, ya’ll who’ve been abused, ITS NOT YOUR FAULT! If you are a minor being abused by an adult, its most definitely not your fault. It doesn’t matter if you even put the adult’s hands on your body, its still not your fault! That adult should not have allowed that to happen and should not have put themselves in a position for inappropriate things to occur. They're in need of psychological help, more importantly, they need Jesus!

Its hard to forget what happened, but sometimes harder still to forgive. When you’re living life thinking I’m a victim, woe is me, why me, all that does is give your abuser power over you! Satan wants you right where you are when this is your daily life. Why is that you ask? Lets look at John 10:10 (AMP) “The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance ( to the full, till it overflows)." Satan wants to steal your joy, to kill your life, and destroy YOU! 1 Peter 5:8 (NASB) states “ Be of sober spirit, be on alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” But Jesus! Jesus came to give you life! On earth and eternal! This life he offers is through the Holy Spirit. Because of this Spirit you will have victory over these pains! You will triumph over satan! 1 John 5:4-5 (AMP)says “For whatever is born of God is victorious over the worlds and this is the victory that conquers the world, even our faith vs 5. Who is it that is victorious over [ that conquers] the world but he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God [ who adheres to , trust in, and relies on that fact]? Praise the Lord! You can live a victorious life! Give your hearts to God. Tell him your hidden pains. Lay them at the cross and don’t pick them back up! If you find you’ve picked them up again, lay them down, and ask God for strength! Philippians 4:13 (NASB) “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”

Can You See Me? Part 2 (Originally posted 02/24/2020)

Alright, God looks on the inside, and us humans sees what’s on the outside. Some people put on a good front. You’ll see them seemingly so holy and such a good Christian person. Eventually their true nature, what’s in their heart will come out! Now if its in fact Christ Jesus in their heart, then what you will see is love pour forth. Hallelujah to that ya’ll!! If they have any old roots of bitterness, unforgiving, lust, hatred, it will rise to the forefront and you will see it. This I know from my own personal experience. Proverbs 27: 19 NEV says,” As water reflects the face, so one’s life reflects the heart”. The unforgiveness kept me living in the past and the lust that I let in via my eyes was deep within me. So then when some things happened while I was asleep even though I woke up during it, I did not stop it because I was taken over by lust and pre disposed to things like that occurring in bed due to things that happened in my youth. I’m going to speak more on that in the future. I told ya’ll I will be transparent, so stay tuned!

What can you do to make sure there’s no bad roots in your heart? Don’t be like me. Just accept Jesus as your Savior ( read get out of hell free card!) and not as the Lord, A.K.A Master, dude in control of your whole life! When Jesus was asked what was the greatest commandment to which he replied,” Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” Matthew 22:37 NIV Please ya’ll don’t make that same mistake and not surrender completely to God! To do so looks like the “Hands up don’t shout” movement, but one hand is closed. Holding onto past hurts or addictions you may have that you think you can either fix on your own or God don’t care about. I assure you, he cares! He will also heal your broken heart and additions. Jesus bled and died so you can be free! I never understood what this meant now you have the opportunity to give it all to God right now! He made Heaven and Earth, he can handle all your problems! Will you answer his knock?