Snapshot of Our Past

I just received a picture of Ms. Mandi and I from back in high school... well, 9th grade..pretty sure that's high school..Anyhow, when I first saw it I had feelings of joy and the memory of how I felt at that time hit me like a train. I'll tell you, seeing me with lots of hair on my head was a shocker, and Mandi as a blonde..well..I liked her hair natural, or purple... I guess, only cuz she likes it though. HA I never thought I'd talk about what I'm about to say..You see, Mandi was my first real girlfriend... sorry Karen...she was my first kiss, first love. I was reminded of how things used to be. The way we treated each other , with love and respect, trusting the other to not judge our secret thoughts, to not make fun of how we acted or talked, or looked. What could've been poured through my mind like a flood. Then on top of that the stupid mistakes of my past, from breaking up with her, all the way to how I treated my wife and kid/ step kids. The devil was whispering in my ear of what a failure I was. The people I'd hurt, saying they will never be healed. They'll harbor hate forever in their hearts and struggle the rest of their lives. It hurt to be reminded of the past mistakes. Thinking, man if only I'd of stayed with Mandi instead of looking for " the next best thing" and allowing the new felt desire for sexual intimacy to overwhelm and confuse me, then I wouldn't have made all the bad choices and not be locked up out of my child's life till he's an adult! It hit me right then. God spoke to my inner most being. He said, if you had stayed with her, you wouldn't have Caleb. She wouldn't have her 3 boys. She also wouldn't have the testimony of My forgiving love. She wouldn't have the relationship with Me as she has now, not having gone through her own hurts and betrayals. You wouldn't have gone through those bad choices, choosing over and over to turn and ignore My voice. You would not have hurt the people you loved, which means you would not have gone to the depths of sin that you needed to in order to have the testimony and relationship you have with Me, my beloved son. Your past pain, caused by others, the pain you caused because of that pain, without it you would never know how to relate to survivors of abuse, and the abusers! See y'all, God can and will use those hurts to bring us closer to Him! He will allow us to choose to make the wrong choices, and receive the consequences for those actions too! God chastises the ones He loves! I thank God He does! I wouldn't have such a deep, intimate relationship with Father God except by the trials I went through as a child and a man! It took my surrender and forgiveness of the people who hurt me and forgiving myself for the pain I caused, which took around a year. My friends, you can be free from your past mistakes! Jesus is the key to that freedom! Give Him your life and see!
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