Shame ≠ Hope

 Shame, how many of us has felt this or continue to feel it daily? In the past, before I got locked up it was almost daily. I failed God again. Failed at controlling the lust filled thoughts. The bitterness deep inside still hung on from the abuse as a child. Because of all that I felt was shame filled. It pressed down on me like a Mack truck. Crushing the life out of my spirit. Being reminded daily of my failures and sins. From cheating and leaving my wife, never being good enough at anything I did for my second wife, to the sex crazed person I'd became. It broke me down. (Do you feel like this?) Then I gave my all to Jesus. My life, my heart, and my soul was His to take over. Did that mean there was no more days of shame? No more condemnation? Nope! Shoot, it's easy for us inmates to be overtaken in our shame. This leads us to hopelessness. According to the Apostle Paul, "therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." (Rom. 8:1) As a follower of Jesus, we have no shame! Sure we can regret and feel sorry for our past sins, but because of Jesus' blood those have been washed away. I, myself, on some days feel a deep regret. For the pain I have caused, the many missed opportunities as a husband and a father/step-father. Yes, I am so very sorry for these actions. However, we as His children, can't live in the past. We can't allow ourselves to be consumed with all the wrong doings we've done or the wrong that has been done to us. Even in the darkest days, Christians have hope! That is our faith in Jesus Christ! Romans 5:1 says we've been justified by that very faith and made righteous in the the eyes of God. Hallelujah! Thank you Father! Don't allow thoughts or circumstances to steal the peace and joy that the Holy Spirit has put inside you! Sing or listen to praise music, seek the Lord by diving into The Word, reach out to other followers of Christ if you are feeling lost. You say you don't know Christ? What's stopping you from reaching out for a relationship with Him? Send us a message, we'll gladly talk to you about starting that relationship. 

(Side note from Mandi: Nick is telling you his story and his walk with finding Jesus Christ. I will gladly step out of my comfort zone and share my testimony.  If you send an email though the blog I will get your message and will help you on your own path. We are always here for you.)  

Christmas 2020

 

It's Christmas time again! This time of year is the Mother of my child's favorite. I remember watching her in the car driving down the road with her hands on the wheel...her fingers dancing to the music, thinking his beautiful she was. Being together decorating the house and tree while she was pregnant, I'll tell you, she was positively glowing! Being locked up plus this Covid thing, we have even more time to think. I've been thinking about my boy, Caleb, and the times we had together for Christmas. Honestly , I didn't cherish those moments enough. See, at that time in my life I still thought like a teenager. Now though since it does no good to dwell on the past, I can't wait to create new memories with him! This time of year we, as Christians, celebrate the coming and birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. We ( normally) come together as a family and give presents to our loved ones as the Magi did for Jesus. We feast and enjoy each others company with many family traditions. Caleb, although we aren't able to be together for a while, know this. You, my son, are such a blessing to me and your Mom! We are proud of the young man you are becoming and love you more than you realize at this time in your life. You're in my thoughts and always in my prayers. I Love you. Many inmates don't get the opportunity to ever tell their kids they love them. I thank God I have a Mother who is a follower of Christ, and understands the meaning of forgiveness, and how important it is to have both parents in the child's life. Jesus had Mary and Joseph. He stood beside his earthly father learning how to be a carpenter, even though He was God. Spending time together whether in person, over the phone, or Internet is so important. Especially during these trying times! Thank God He loved us enough to send His only Son to be born of a virgin and die in order to reconcile us humans to Himself! Remember the reason for the season! Jesus, the Messiah!

The Battle in the Night

 Nighttime. I'd say that's the most difficult time for us inmates. Maybe some of you out there in the free world feel the same? When you're tired, right before falling asleep, or right when you wake. Most times the thoughts last for moments, tonight it was an all night battle! Seeing the holiday commercials with the families all together, watching Christmas movies on the Lifetime network, it all brought on these thoughts of shame and regret. The thought of " if only". So wishing I could have a " do over". The regret of my past mistakes weighing so heavy on me it hurt. How I failed as a Husband, Father, Step Father, heck, as a man! To be able to go back in time with the knowledge I have now of who I am and what Jesus did for me, I am literally a different man! Show my son and step daughters what a real man looks like, a man of God. A true protector. Loving and gentle. Not consumed with shame and the pains of his past. The "if onlys" coursing through my mind..it was a long night y'all! But I woke refreshed! I woke with joy and peace in my soul! The God we serve as followers of Christ is not a powerless object that we must make with our own hands in order to worship or to give life with our thoughts! He is alive! His Word is alive! He is called ELOHHIM; God, Creator, Mighty and Strong. He is Jehovah/ Yahweh; LORD. Specifies an immediacy, a presence. Jehovah- Jireh: The Lord will provide. Our provider! He is Jehovah- Rapha: Our healer! He is Jehovah- Nissi; our banner, our rallying place! He is the Great I AM! Beloved, as Christians we are promised by Father God to never be alone! He said " I will never leave you or forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5) We can never have a " do over". What we can have is reconciliation via Jesus Christ. He is the God of reconciliation! He did so for us humans and Father God, and He can do so with the ones we've hurt in our lives. It's because of His Word that I woke refreshed. The Bible is The Word of God. It is alive and powerful!(Hebrews 4:12) Thank God for His Word and His Grace! It's that Grace that gives Hope of the future! There will come a day when the ones we've hurt will see us again. And my prayer from August of 2016 has been they will see what Christ has done in me. If you've been feeling abandoned by God. If your past mistakes overwhelm you, cry out to Jesus! He IS the answer! To those who call Him Lord of their lives, He IS there, right there living inside you! You are never alone. You are worthy of His Love because of Christ's blood on the cross. You've repented and asked forgiveness from God right? Well then you ARE forgiven and free from shame and condemnation! (Romans 8:1) Don't let Satan hold you in your past! Jesus is your present help and future hope! Trust in Him today!

Afraid and Alone

 The Message translation of the Bible is written in such easy yet powerful terms as that anyone can understand what the Holy Spirit was saying when He spoke to the Apostles telling them what to write. In Joshua 1:9, God is speaking to Joshua, he is the successor of Moses. Remember, the Bible was written for believers. God says " Haven't I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don't be timid; don't get discouraged. GOD your God, is with you every step you take." Wow! The Creator of time and space, earth and sun, is with you every step you take!? Praise the Lord! Beloved friends, take courage in these words! The God we serve cannot lie! I know at this time in particular it's hard not to be fearful and discouraged. Remember though not only what God has said, but what He has done in your life. He's saved you from the fiery pits of hell. He's given you eternal life now and forever ! His power, the very same that rose Jesus from the grave lives inside each and everyone of those He calls His child! (Romans 8:11) If you're worried right now I want to encourage you in the Name of Jesus to hold fast! Hold on to the Promises of Jesus! He said He came to give you His peace, not as the world gives ( meaning perishable / ending), but as The Father gives. Meditate on Philippians 4:6-7" Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Hard Life

 Prison is hard. Yeah I know it's not supposed to be easy! Did one ever stop and think why so many people come out of prison worse off then when they went in? Everything we sit on is hard. The plastic chairs in the Chapel, the benches in the chow hall, even the beds we sleep on, all hard. The concrete floors and cement block walls that surround us, all hard. Inmates are treated hard as well. Some staff members think it's their jobs to punish us. Beating us down with words, egging us on in order for one of us to "step out of line" and snap! Then the staff can say to their friends "see how terrible these things are! Why, they're barely human!" Yes Folks, that's how inmates are treated by many staff members. The food we are fed, oh boy... Just the smell of it is enough to gag many people. This so called "meat" smells like dog food and looks like it too. Lot's of beans and noodles, flavorless and usually undercooked. Have you ever broken a tooth on beans that weren't cooked? I've seen it happen in here! I've been called a liar a couple of times, and the first time it was the school psychologist! Thank God, I was vindicated due to my persistence and I WAS telling the truth! Daily I'm amazed at the miracles of God. How he's changing my heart and mind to be more Christlike. The old me would've rolled over and taken the 3 tickets, not tried to fight it at all. Yet Jesus has given me (and those who follow Him), not the spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind! (2 Timothy 1:7) Without Jesus, I'd be dead (literally). Yet He rescued me and made me new! He is the answer to the people who say "Once a felon, always a felon!" He's making me into a man of God! If you allow He will do the same for you! Ask Jesus to come into your heart, turn your life over to Him. Turn from your sins and He will save you! He died on the cross in order to redeem you! Your sins are paid for by His blood. Call out to Him, He's waiting for you.